2 Corinthians 12:9 And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
I have never really understood this verse. When I think about bragging about (or even just admitting) my weaknesses, it makes me feel very vulnerable. About three years ago, I finally opened up to a few people about a thorn in my flesh that I have had since I was 20. This confession unearthed a flood of criticism, piercing questions, and anger in those to whom I confided. I agreed to get help for this condition. But a few weeks later when circumstances intervened and I did not seek the help I had agreed to, the criticism increased two-fold and the support disappeared. In summary, I got "burned" by my loved ones.
So why on earth should I admit my weaknesses? I vowed at that time never to discuss my problems again with anybody. I would deal with them on my own. I would be a lone ranger. And I have to say that has continued to today. I have failed to trust God in 2 Corinthians 12:9 because I am not believing His promise - that the power of Christ will dwell in me if I boast about my weaknesses.
The earthly criticism that was unleashed on me contained this theme: "How could you be so weak. What is your problem? Just fix the problem. Just quit doing it. Just tough it out. Just quit being such a weakling. Quit crying. Move on.
And on and on.
The theme of physical weakness/thorn-in-the-flesh/addiction is one that resonates powerfully for me. In the next few postings, I would like to explore this theme and pursue this in a personal way. Could it be that the Lord is waiting to release me from the power of the thorns in my flesh? I have such a hard time with this thought because the ridicule from others when I admitted my thorn -- was too great. I could not stand it. I ended up saying, "Never mind" a la that misunderstood Gilda Radner character from Saturday Night Live, Emily Litella. I actually felt like sticking a few thorns in the sides of those who ridiculed me.
Dear Lord, open the eyes of my heart. Help me to understand this passage. Am I the only one who does not understand it? It makes no earthly sense. How do I brag in my addictions/compulsions/weaknesses? My heart cries out for understanding.
Song for Today: "Open the eyes of my heart, Lord; open the eyes of my heart; I want to see you. See you high and lifted up -- shining in the light of your glory. Hold out your power and love and we sing holy, holy, holy. "
Raising my arms to the heavens further weakens me as I make myself vulnerable. No arms clenched by my sides. No, they are up in the air giving glory to God. What a fool! Says the world. Save yourself, you fool, they say. Just tough it out. Don't admit your weakness.
But the verse says, "For My strength is made perfect in weakness." Do I trust in my accusers? Or in God?
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1 comment:
HI, I am a recent reader of your blog and appreciate the spiritual food you are providing to christians like me. I really like the post that lisa wrote regarding her weaknesses on Dec 30, 2007. I too have a thorn in my flesh but I believe it is the opposite problem. You see I am 100# overweight and for some reason my true self is hiding behind the rolls of fat I have created over the years. I thought that if I would tell you my thorn in the flesh then maybe it will help me to reveal the reasons I am trying to keep the layers on instead of letting God feed my soul. I have recently begun a new way of eating and I know it will be harder and harder to keep the sins of gluttony away. But with the Lords help I feel like I will be able to remove the layers of shame and fear and hurt that has been plaguing me for years. thanks for your honesty Lisa and I will keep you in my prayers.
sincerely,
your sister in christ.
Ann
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